All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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