we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
