Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I cannot find my penis.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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