Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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