i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
