So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
