onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
