I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
