I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
