i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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