remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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