Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
