I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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