When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
