i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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