I bet he comes in French.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
