4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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