I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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