why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
