That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Please don't give away my fajitas
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
