everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
