I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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