HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
