guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
