you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
