you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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