He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
