the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
