At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
this hospital has no fireball
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
