Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
