your thong is hanging out like whoa
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
