I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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