That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
