I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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