New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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