i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
