His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
