IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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