did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
