After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
