I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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