would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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