I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
