I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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