did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
