I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
