singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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