Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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