I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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