The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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